Heart and Home - Olu Ella Inn, Dombepola

Nostalgia seems to have got to me recently! This doesn't mean that I'm not looking forward to future events, adventures and daily life! I have been gradually becoming aware of just what a life I have had, how much fun and learning I have had traveling my daily path as a woman, wife, mother, grandmother, friend, family member, teacher and also something of how my actions and beliefs have impacted on others, whether for good or not.

My marriage has been the most significant of my chosen pathways and I now think that it is true to say that I took enormous risks in my choice in this. Well, I've been told that so many times but, until now, didn't see it that way. Now that I've seen many more marriages involving couples from the same social and ethnic set as well as some from  mixed up ones, I understand that comment!  I was, however, supremely confident that everything would work out just fine. And, innocent as I was, it did! So, forty five years later . . .

. . . Recently, while relaxing on the balcony of my home, Olu Ella Inn, at Dombepola,  Sri Lanka, I was thinking of my husband's parents, Amma and Thatha, and wondering what they would make of all the changes. I have always felt them near me when I sit here and look the river where I used to go in the afternoons with Amma and the other village women for a daily bath. It didn't matter to me, then, that I didn't understand all their chatter and gossip. I just enjoyed being there in the beautiful river with them,  struggling to bathe wearing a sarong and then. . . oh ! How to dry and dress modestly ? How they giggled at me and with me!

Bathing recently - minus the sarong of the past

I first came to Dombepola after I had been living in both Colombo and Paranthan after my 1967 marriage. I didn't know it then, but it had been assumed that, as a western woman, I would be reluctant to leave the more modern city, proper roads, electricity, city water supply and so on and go stay in a remote village. Remote, it was then, and continues to be so today in a relative way, this is a big part of its charm and beauty. How wrong that assumption was! From the very first moment of my arrival, it was home! This was due to the nature of the people as much as to the natural, unspoilt beauty of the environment.

One lane road through rubber plantations to Dombepola

I remember my first drive here. I made my new husband stop the car so many times as I discovered rubber trees and tea plantations for the first time, caves and waterfalls beside the road! Each time we stopped, I remember that people walking along the narrow road also stopped to look at me! Western women were few outside Colombo or Kandy and in those days and the villagers seldom went that far very often.

Road near Olu Ella Falls, Dombepola

To get to the family home quite a distance up the hill, we had to leave the car on the side of the road and cross the river on a swing bridge some distance from the present bridge. I always liked to wait until everyone else had exited the bridge before I ventured on which caused some consternation at first as everyone wanted to assist me across. My strongest memory of this is crossing with all the other women in the family wearing full sari on our way to a wedding! Having delicate fabric waving around my feet while concentrating on where I put my feet was definitely memorable. In 2010 I led my daughter on a foolish trip across this now no longer used bridge and have told of this, with a photo, in an earlier post. [ December 2010]

In the 1970s Sam and I had another bridge constructed giving the village access closer to the road. Unfortunately a flood damaged it, leaving only the concrete pillars standing. It was repaired by the area council sometime later meanwhile the locals put coconut planks across the supports. I have vivid memories of my second daughter, aged about 7 years, walking backwards across these coconut planks while I screamed at her from way up the hill. Her father's unconcerned comment at the time was, "Lucky the river's so loud she can't hear you or she would fall in!" There's white water, always below that there bridge.

Present day foot bridge

I have been questioned countless times by western people as to how I was received by my husband's parents while the question from the Sri Lankan people is always how my parents allowed me to marry so far from home and without any investigations and negotiations. The answer to the first lot of questioners was always easy: "They welcomed me, prepared a never to be forgotten wedding and afforded me the respect given to their son and brother." Giving a satisfactory answer to Sri Lankans was always, and continues to be, problematic as marriages are made for uniting families for social, economic and political advantages rather than solely for the benefit of the two young people. Before I arrived some aunts, uncles and friends were bringing marriage proposals for Sam so he told them that we were already married. Questions then followed about our horoscopes. Were they compatible? What was my birth date and birth time. My birth date he knew, but the time had to be made up. The astrologer was consulted and the advice given that we were a perfect match! The next question was about my caste - something that is generally not so important until a marriage is being arranged. That was a poser for Sam until he remembered that one of my names was that of the Queen of England's sister - and so I became of the Royal caste! End of questions! A few weeks before my expected arrival he told them that we were going to be married in Colombo and they all threw themselves into organising event, on the day guiding me through the rituals with care and humour.

A small section of Dombepola mountain

Dombepola Mountain from the air at 7.20am

Sam's family has been living in Dombepola for more than 300 years and many of the villagers are related in some way. Relationships are all important and I sometimes get frustrated when names are not used with people being described as "my grandmother's  sister's  cousin's child" or "my uncle's nephew's daughter who is married to . . ." When walking up the hill to my parents in laws' home we used to stop at the graves of great, great grandparents and others but I noticed a few weeks ago that there are now houses built nearby and it is difficult to get to these graves. Before he passed away, my father in law gave each of his children a portion of land - he had acquired quite a lot more in his lifetime. To me, he gave, surprisingly as it wasn't usual, the family home. I like to think that he knew -  even without enough language for me to communicate - how much I loved the place. He was a smart man so maybe he thought that by leaving it to me, his son would surely return after his passing, I would see to that! His surviving daughter and her adult family now live in this house and we have built another one down the hill on the river bank.

Olu Ella Inn - our second home

When we decided to build Olu Ella Inn the idea was that we would live there for a significant part of the year and maintain the place as a guesthouse. In the end, other family events elsewhere intervened and we visit only for a month each time. We wanted to ensure that the place was environmentally friendly so as few trees as possible were felled. Most of the materials used came from our family's village lands - check out the ceiling on the balcony - and the concrete blocks were made on site. Where possible, the work was done by local people which added to the village economy for the three years it took to complete the job. What a celebration we had when it was completed with all the villagers and everyone who had participated in the building of it present!

I love the timber ceiling!

As well as relaxing on the balcony and bathing in the river, I enjoy walking up the hill to the school and the temple. The path up is a little steep at first but a new road has been built making life a lot easier for the villagers.

Until recently, everything needed to be carried up in this way.

The new road through the village

The road has now been completed and this time I had to stand back for this truck and a couple of tuk tuks. There's not enough traffic to destroy the calm atmosphere and we still met people to chat with along the way.

Having a chat along the way.

I was quite excited about my visit to the school this time as it had recently acquired  a library, the first it has ever had, and I was keen to see it as I had been trying for four years to achieve this. In the end, it was funded by a bank after its Social Club had enjoyed many days at our Inn and became aware of this need. This meant that the money I had been given by a Charity group at Hillbrook College, Australia, as well as personal donations from friends and family was able to be spent on English books which made up a considerable part of the 80kg I had hauled around airports and hotels en route to Sri Lanka. I also gave some of this Hillbrook money to Rajasinghe College, Ruwanella, for the purchase of Science textbooks. More about that in a future post.

A new sign for the village school featuring the school shrine, classrooms and local landmark, Olu Ella Falls

The students were all rather shy and I had a job persuading them to hold a few of the donated items for the photo. The sports gear was donated by Mark, an Englishman who had come to Sri Lanka to watch the cricket, wanted to give some sports gear and other items to a school and found a mention of Dombepola on the internet and contacted me! He and Sue, his partner were thoroughly captivated by the village and Olu Ella Inn. Maybe we will see them here again! Mark's bag was bulging with gear so I think that he must have also had a hard time at airports and in transit with it. I was able to take some of it to another school in Ruwanella. Hopefully I'll get around to posting about that school too, as it is an interesting one.

Staff of Dombepola School

The soon to be expanded English section of the new library

There are 80 students at the school. It's looking great now, with a new roof and new paint. Quite amazing really as not a thing had been done to it since Sam started there as a pupil seventy years ago! Another pleasing thing, even amazing too, is that this little school has produced eminent scholars and citizens not only at local level but internationally. Scientists, Professors, Doctors, Engineers, etc  Amazing! Why? Because its only resources have been the dedication of the teachers, students themselves and parents who have had to forgo their child's assistance with farming and earning a small income in order to have them study and leave to take up scholarships. These students have not had the benefit of daily cram classes that others have had to ensure their exam success. It is some of these who work at the bank, together with our family, who were the driving force in getting the library built.

Dombepola School present day students

The cataloguing of the new books donated by the Bank is almost complete so the students will soon be able to enjoy their new library.

Dombepola School Library

From the school yard you can now see Olu Ella Falls, the fifth highest Falls in Sri Lanka.

Olu Ella Falls

 The above photo was taken by my son about sixteen years ago when he climbed to the top of the mountain. The photo below is the view of the Lower Falls, taken from the road recently after a day of rain.
 

Lower Olu Ella Falls

Our village is no longer such a secret with many people now coming to see the beauty of the area and to relax and refresh their minds at our guesthouse.

We Oya, upstream from Olu Ella Inn

 The We Oya has many calm holes, enticing me to enjoy the cool, soft water. Simply sitting, watching the water boatmen, dragonflies and small trout, listening to the birdsong is heaven! Don't be fooled though as it also has stretches of permanent wild white water crashing around and over massive boulders and rocks.

Further along the road, about 14km from Nawalapitiya

The road to Dombepola from Yatiyantota used to go all the way to Nawalapitiya but part of it is now impassable, even to most 4WD vehicles.

There is so much to see around our area. Tea Estates, stunning rock faces, different eco systems at each level of the mountains. After 45 years I still haven't seen everything!

Weviyatalawa Rock face

Halgolle Tea Estate

Halgolle Tea Estate

Halgolle Estate, Weviyatalawa is one such place that demands a whole day to explore. The weather changes minute by minute, the beauty, never.

Early Morning coming down the mountain

So, what would Amma and Thatha be thinking as they watch us sitting together here on the balcony, in a building that they probably would not imagine would ever be seen in this area, with Sam reminiscing about his childhood climbing coconut trees, scaring monkeys away from banana plants, weeding the paddy fields with his father, about life in a school hostel far from home and the University on the other side of the world? Planning what he would like to do next time.

I think they would be happy that after all the places in the world we have lived in and seen, this is the place that pulls us, draws us close and envelops us, makes us feel at home and that we treasure our humble roots, value the family they created.

As usual our departure is early in the morning, so, as we drive down through the rubber tree lined road, the mist sits gently on the hillsides, hovering over the valley, enveloping all below. 

A gentle, soft goodbye.

Until the next time.

Engaged to be Married in Sri Lanka

We've just returned after an event filled month in Sri Lanka. The first event took place two days after our arrival and, in family terms, it was a momentuous one. The youngest son of a family of four got engaged! To my surprise, I learned that this was a totally arranged marriage! The young man is an independent, strong minded person, plays more sport than is usual and therefore has many social opportunities and I had expected him to find a partner himself, as his older siblings had done. In the event, he was happy for his parents to make enquiries, check out prospsective in law families, consult horoscopes and do the negotiations. It's a long careful process, choosing a marriage partner, so maybe it's a good idea to have someone do the necessary for you!

Now, don't get the idea that the young individuals have a partner foisted on them! After it has been worked out that the couple's horoscopes are compatible, their families compatible too, they get to have a chaperoned meeting or two, talk and work out if they like the other person and the idea of being married to them. Then they convey their willingness [ or otherwise] to proceed with a marriage contract, to their own family and negotiations get really down to business. Auspicious times and days are ascertained for each part of the Engagement ritual, the process of inviting guests is attended too, each partner prepares for the event with their family and the day arrives when it all happens.

My young nephew has had his family choose wisely in their recommendation of his marriage partner. His bride is  a beautiful young woman, confident, well educated, has an engaging personality and a lovely family as well. In this culture, marriage arrangements are at least as equally for the benefit of the family as for the individual. Everyone was very satisfied and happy with her addition to our family.

In Sri Lanka, the Engagement is actually the Civil contract completed, that is the couple are legally married. However, time they spend together after this is usually well chaperoned by both families until the Wedding Day.

The Big Day, from the Groom's family's perspective begins!

The Groom's Mother

Early in the morning we leave our second home, Olu Ella Inn, for a 2 hour drive to collect the Groom from his family home. On arrival we are offered traditional sweets including kiribath - milk rice - and fruit.

Traditional sweets

 We then wait around until the auspicious time for the Groom to pay his respects to the his parents and senior family members before he leaves his family home. This involves offering betel leaves to each person, symbolising respect and asking for approval for the coming event.

Offering betel leaves

Once the young man has done the rounds with the betel leaves, he has to wait for the next auspicious time to set out from home to go to the Bride's family home.

The Groom waits

Attending this Engagement the day after their arrival was a surprise for our holidaying friends! Nevertheless, they observed and  were totally included in all the rituals. Here, they also wait for the auspicious time to leave.

The Bride's family happen to live in the same area so a short ride and we arrived at her home. Here, we formed a line with senior family members casually taking the first places, and were ceremoniously greeted by the Bride's Mother and as her father passed away when she was very young, her Brother.

Traditional Greetings

After this, guests took their seats in the lounge room and the couple were brought in to sit at a table in front of the Marriage Registrar and a Witness from each side of the family.

The Auspicious Time, 11.05 am arrives. Immediately things start to happen!

Now, the ritual is recognisable, despite the [to me and two other guests] foreign language. The couple is asked individually if it is their wish to proceed with the marriage, they respond, vows follow, rings are swapped, those present are called upon to witness the vows and to support the couple in the marriage and documents are signed and witnessed.

The Bride's turn to sign the legal document

Witness for the Groom

Rings exchanged

The couple is then pronounced as legally Engaged.

 The Mothers then offer gifts to their new daughter or son.

The Bride receives a gift from the Groom's Mother

Next, the couple is then escorted to the seat where they may now sit together, officially.

Sitting together

 The Engagement Cake is cut. 

Cutting cake

Couple looking good!

 After this pause, the ritual again picks up with the couple offering each other a drink from their own glass, symbolising that they will each take care of the other person, helping them to drink and eat should that be necessary.

I promise to take care of you in sickness.

The Two happy mothers

 The Mothers can relax now that they have completed their duty of ensuring that their children are safely engaged, almost married.

Couple with the Groom's family

 Now comes the process of having formal photos taken with every branch of the family and other guests present. This took quite some time although the guest list was confined to senior family members, brothers and sisters with wives or husbands and children.

And the Bride's family

The ceremonial lamp was then lit, firstly by the couple, then their parents and lastly by senior family members. This special ritual symbolises the need for fire as it gives warmth, life [through the presence of light], provides energy and signifies a bright new life together

The couple lights the lamp together

Following these formalities, a sumptuous lunch was served followed by speeches.

Sumptuous Lunch

It was then time for the Newly Engaged couple to pay their respects to all present and to ask for and receive their Blessings for their Engagement and upcoming Marriage. They started first with respecting the Bride's deceased Father, then her Mother and Brother followed by the Groom's Parents, senior family members in turn all the way down the line until, lastly, the visiting overseas friends.

Another family milestone achieved! We all returned home in good spirits, happy with our newest family member and looking forward to the wedding which will take place in a few months time.

Flowing down the Swan River to Fremantle

Every day things have been unusually unpredictable these past few months and I have neglected this blog - just haven't had the space to sit at the computer for very long. Next week, however, we will be going on another short and unexpected trip, this time in a southerly direction, so I have decided to play catch up. The  last two trips were really enjoyable so I will relive them as I write. This post is Part 2 of our Perth trip and is about a very pleasant and significant day.

We were last in Fremantle in 1991 when we called there on a ship bound for New Zealand, as were we, so we could not return home without a visit down memory lane. The voyage had been a disappointment, delayed because of at sea incidents, bad weather and such and we had been very happy to spend a day on land.

Bell Tower, Perth waterfront

To get to Fremantle we decided to take the ferry so walked from our central city hotel to the ferry terminal. This was easy to find because of the Bell Tower in the front. This tower, we were told, houses the biggest musical instrument in the world. You can go up to the top to see the bells, for a fee.

Golden Cruises ferry

There were several different ferry companies all offering different cruises - whole day, half day, sunset and so on. We were soon on our way downstream with the pilot giving a commentary along the way.

Former Swan Brewery from River Level

Yachting and other water sports are very popular here and no one allows you to forget that Alan Bond scored the Americas Cup. The day was a bit windy but there were a few yachties about, including several yachts crewed by young teens.

One of several boat club moorings

 We soon came to the stretch of river with its banks lined with the homes of seemingly every excessively wealthy Australian. Think of one such person - they have a triple digit million home beside the water here. Rather than being impressed by such wealth, I was uneasy at the obscenity [IMO] of millions being spent on places that are used occasionally by just a few people, about whom we hear only news of their objections to paying taxes or their unhappy and litigious relationships.

The most pricey real estate in Australia

See the building behind the boats! This has been labelled an ëyesore"and a "headache"and there is talk of having it bulldozed when its building license runs out before too long. Unfinished because its owner's company went into receivership it has already had a cool 9 million of the estimated 70 million for construction spent on it. And, the neighbours just don't like it and want it down - according to the local newspaper.

Select neighbourhood

 Back to real life on arrival in Fremantle where we walked about 600 metres from the ferry terminal to the free Fremantle CAT bus. Once on the bus we realised that only another 200 metres walk and we'd have been in town.

May Day March in Fremantle

Fremantle was a very pleasant town - old buildings, trees, interesting old fashioned shops, clean - just a cosy feel about the place. We walked around a corner and found ourselves almost in a very cheerful May Day parade which I appreciated as I am conscious that it is so very easy to lose our democratic ways with so few people in the world, Australia included, holding so much economic, and therefore political, power.

Fremantle Town Hall

There were many such buildings like this one. Lovely!

Welcome Wall at the Freemantle Port

This spot was where we felt that we had come full circle. It was here, early in 1971, that we watched some of our fellow passengers who had travelled as Australian Government sponsored migrants disembark to start their new lives in Australia while we continued to my birth country, New Zealand. You see, we had preferred to come to Australia but although the "White Australia"policy was supposedly dead, no one had told the Australian officials in London who had denied one of us a resident visa, saying that they believed that assimilation would not be possible. Despite the person concerned having a double degree in English medium from a New Zealand University and having lived and worked there for several years. Interestingly, during the voyage I was employed by the Australian government to teach English to these new migrants most of whom knew seemingly none at all. Anyway, we continued happily to New Zealand, had a good life there and eventually got here and the rest is history, as they say.

I was very interested in these welcome walls which pay tribute to Western Australia's migrants who came by sea from 1911 to 1980s. I think that there were 491 walls honouring 45,000 migrants. Over one third of Western Australia's population came from elsewhere and this we noticed during our time there. I spent some time reading the names and looking for those of fellow passengers from the Australis. I found some! I hoped that Australia became all they dreamed of and that they managed to overcome the strangeness of a new environment and culture - these things being within my own experience.

Welcome Wall, Freemantle

I remember many of the child migrants on the boat from the second class I taught each day on the ship. Lovely that they have this sculpture to remember them by.

Child Migrant Sculpture, Fremantle

Today Fremantle is a busy commercial port.

Portside, Perth

Despite an oncoming squall, we watched as this mighty container ship was guided into the port by two tugs and remembered hanging over the rails watching the same manoeuver in 1971.

Entering Fremantle Port

The photos of this container ship have been very much appreciated by a small boy who had me enlarge the above one for his wall. The video of the ship slowly berthing was received with great delight and the plea, "Can you take me to Fremantle? Please! Please!"

Freemantle train sign

I couldn't resist taking this photo for my sign collection!

We loved Fremantle and vowed to return and stay there at our leisure.