Engaged to be Married in Sri Lanka

We've just returned after an event filled month in Sri Lanka. The first event took place two days after our arrival and, in family terms, it was a momentuous one. The youngest son of a family of four got engaged! To my surprise, I learned that this was a totally arranged marriage! The young man is an independent, strong minded person, plays more sport than is usual and therefore has many social opportunities and I had expected him to find a partner himself, as his older siblings had done. In the event, he was happy for his parents to make enquiries, check out prospsective in law families, consult horoscopes and do the negotiations. It's a long careful process, choosing a marriage partner, so maybe it's a good idea to have someone do the necessary for you!

Now, don't get the idea that the young individuals have a partner foisted on them! After it has been worked out that the couple's horoscopes are compatible, their families compatible too, they get to have a chaperoned meeting or two, talk and work out if they like the other person and the idea of being married to them. Then they convey their willingness [ or otherwise] to proceed with a marriage contract, to their own family and negotiations get really down to business. Auspicious times and days are ascertained for each part of the Engagement ritual, the process of inviting guests is attended too, each partner prepares for the event with their family and the day arrives when it all happens.

My young nephew has had his family choose wisely in their recommendation of his marriage partner. His bride is  a beautiful young woman, confident, well educated, has an engaging personality and a lovely family as well. In this culture, marriage arrangements are at least as equally for the benefit of the family as for the individual. Everyone was very satisfied and happy with her addition to our family.

In Sri Lanka, the Engagement is actually the Civil contract completed, that is the couple are legally married. However, time they spend together after this is usually well chaperoned by both families until the Wedding Day.

The Big Day, from the Groom's family's perspective begins!

The Groom's Mother

Early in the morning we leave our second home, Olu Ella Inn, for a 2 hour drive to collect the Groom from his family home. On arrival we are offered traditional sweets including kiribath - milk rice - and fruit.

Traditional sweets

 We then wait around until the auspicious time for the Groom to pay his respects to the his parents and senior family members before he leaves his family home. This involves offering betel leaves to each person, symbolising respect and asking for approval for the coming event.

Offering betel leaves

Once the young man has done the rounds with the betel leaves, he has to wait for the next auspicious time to set out from home to go to the Bride's family home.

The Groom waits

Attending this Engagement the day after their arrival was a surprise for our holidaying friends! Nevertheless, they observed and  were totally included in all the rituals. Here, they also wait for the auspicious time to leave.

The Bride's family happen to live in the same area so a short ride and we arrived at her home. Here, we formed a line with senior family members casually taking the first places, and were ceremoniously greeted by the Bride's Mother and as her father passed away when she was very young, her Brother.

Traditional Greetings

After this, guests took their seats in the lounge room and the couple were brought in to sit at a table in front of the Marriage Registrar and a Witness from each side of the family.

The Auspicious Time, 11.05 am arrives. Immediately things start to happen!

Now, the ritual is recognisable, despite the [to me and two other guests] foreign language. The couple is asked individually if it is their wish to proceed with the marriage, they respond, vows follow, rings are swapped, those present are called upon to witness the vows and to support the couple in the marriage and documents are signed and witnessed.

The Bride's turn to sign the legal document

Witness for the Groom

Rings exchanged

The couple is then pronounced as legally Engaged.

 The Mothers then offer gifts to their new daughter or son.

The Bride receives a gift from the Groom's Mother

Next, the couple is then escorted to the seat where they may now sit together, officially.

Sitting together

 The Engagement Cake is cut. 

Cutting cake

Couple looking good!

 After this pause, the ritual again picks up with the couple offering each other a drink from their own glass, symbolising that they will each take care of the other person, helping them to drink and eat should that be necessary.

I promise to take care of you in sickness.

The Two happy mothers

 The Mothers can relax now that they have completed their duty of ensuring that their children are safely engaged, almost married.

Couple with the Groom's family

 Now comes the process of having formal photos taken with every branch of the family and other guests present. This took quite some time although the guest list was confined to senior family members, brothers and sisters with wives or husbands and children.

And the Bride's family

The ceremonial lamp was then lit, firstly by the couple, then their parents and lastly by senior family members. This special ritual symbolises the need for fire as it gives warmth, life [through the presence of light], provides energy and signifies a bright new life together

The couple lights the lamp together

Following these formalities, a sumptuous lunch was served followed by speeches.

Sumptuous Lunch

It was then time for the Newly Engaged couple to pay their respects to all present and to ask for and receive their Blessings for their Engagement and upcoming Marriage. They started first with respecting the Bride's deceased Father, then her Mother and Brother followed by the Groom's Parents, senior family members in turn all the way down the line until, lastly, the visiting overseas friends.

Another family milestone achieved! We all returned home in good spirits, happy with our newest family member and looking forward to the wedding which will take place in a few months time.